I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think i got beer on your cat.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
