you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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