State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
