dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
