he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Welp...herpes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
