Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
