i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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