I'm going to jail i love you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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