That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
