I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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