I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
