i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime