He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
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I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.