As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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