I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
