I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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