so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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