I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My vagina just recognized that song.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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