she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
