I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
