my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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