there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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