I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
where am i from again
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.