Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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