I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
