Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
