I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
