Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
