I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
