My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
