i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
