My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
