Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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