Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
