what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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