Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
