i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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