You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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