There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
