dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
