I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
