i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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