we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
