Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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