my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
