If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
