hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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