I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
