I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
