Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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