we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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