i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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