im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
