Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
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I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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