I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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