so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
