She is in my trunk
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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