Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
