Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
