and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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