Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm too high and old for this...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
