Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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