I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
