I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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