i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
