So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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