spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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