Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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