I CAN MOONWALK!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
