You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
