Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
