i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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