so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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